i found out today that a guy my little brother knows killed himself last night.
which, shockingly, disturbs me.
i was thinking about suicide today.
not committing it, mind you, im far too busy for that.
just thinking about the act itself, what it means, why it happens,
all that silly "deep thinking" stuff
and i feel really bad for that poor kid.
but more so for his family
they must be in agonizing pain.
i have been here for a week without going home.
i am about to kill someone.
(i work at an inn, hence the not going home part)
i get so BORED.
its better than being at home right now
cuz my family is so loving and wonderful that i hate them.
because when i was growing up,
they were fucking awful.
but my dad went through anger management and doesn't scare us shit-less anymore,
my mom lost 50 lbs and no longer takes her self-loathing out on us,
and my siblings are all around the same age and have actual things in common.
so home = the LAST place i would want to be,
except that work is.
ordinarily i just go to dennys or hang out with my friends,
but i cant DO that here.
i am starting to feel like a prisoner.
(the people running this wonderful establishment are currently out of state, which is why im here. someone has to look after the place)
i am blockbuster's number one customer.
i just spent a ton of money getting my laptop up and running so that i can look at porn and watch my favorite TV shows online.
i think i have no life?
or maybe im addicted.