Monday, May 3, 2010

coming out.

reasons i cant do it:

My employers. --> yes, its illegal in Washington state to terminate an employee based on sexuality.

but im technically a volunteer. and i think my religious bosses can say whether or not they want lesbians volunteering at their business.

my boyfriend --> this guy is important to me. he is my best friend, he has been with me through a LOT. and he still sticks around for some reason. if i told him, idk what he'd do. and i really want him in my life.

my best friend --> she'd be pissed i never told her before, she'd wonder whether im attracted to her, (im not, she's not my type), our relationship would get all these weird gray areas about how close we can sit, whether we can still hold hands during scary movies, whether its weird to change in the same room, whether we can share a bed, etc. i think all those things are perfectly normal things for best friends to do, sexuality aside.

she may think differently.


for a christian, she is VERY accepting. and loving, and caring, and really everything jesus says they should be. so i respect that. and PROBABLY not a lot would change with us. but its still scary.

my ex --> this is stupid.

i know it is

but i left him for this guy im with now, and i was really kinda awful about it.

and then i accused HIM of being gay, because he had practically no interest in sex.

which is something i had always been led to believe guys had a HUGE interest in, and that it was impossible for a girl to want sex more than a guy.

(NOT true, i have discovered)

if he finds out (which he will) that i left the guy i left him for, to be GAY

first, he's gonna think we can be friends again. NOT. he is a DICK.

second, he's gonna think its the funniest fucking thing he's ever heard.

i cant do that to him or my boyfriend.


thats so stupid.

but people go their entire lives being closeted, and they make it work.

so i can, right??

i told my best gay-friend that im gay, and now he's trying to help me come out to everyone.

which is putting this stuff in the front of my mind lately.

i wish there was just some kind of easy way to do it.

maybe i'll just buy a shirt that says "no one knows im gay"

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