Monday, June 28, 2010

world of warcraft.

so i dated someone who was seriously into WoW.

as in, it would be his career if it could be.

now, during our time together

he made it VERY clear that he was just with me till a better offer came along.

and that wow was way more important than "us"


naturally this meant two things

1) he's a dick.

and 2) our relationship was purely for sexual gratification.

so a few months later, i dumped his sorry boring ass cuz i was completely SICK of feeling like a piece of furniture.

a year plus later, and he still thinks he's in love with me.

he is wrong.

his true love will always be wow.

today, i was texing him out of boredom

he said he could only text me occasionally cuz he was raiding

so i said that occasionally meant i couldnt rely on him for a steady stream of entertainment.

he says "come watch?"

aaaah just like the good old days.


so i said "no thanks, im content sitting in a restaurant by myself"

what i wanted to say was:

"i'd rather die alone than spend one more second of my life being ignored for a stupid computer game. fortunately for me i'm pretty enough to never be alone, so fuck you loser."

that or

"oh just like the good old days... oh wait i dumped you for that."

im too fucking nice sometimes.

i really wish i HAD said that.

ah well

thats life i suppose.

mood: depressed.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

what to do, what to do, what to do?

i am having some issues.

(as usual)

1) my ex.

he says stuff that just GETS to me.

i hate that.

2) my body.

it reacts to certain people in very...

uncomfortable ways.

inconvenient ways.






in the middle of the grocery store.

there is a time and a place for everything, and that is not the time or place to be getting all hot n' ready.

3) another ex.

a pseudo ex really,

an ex girlfriend

of sorts.

she totally hates me.

and its driving me crazy!

idk why it's bothering me so much, but it really eats at me that the one girl i shared that connection with won't even talk to me.

the awful part:

we "fell in love" while we were both dating the same guy.


that's right.

4) there's this girl.

(a different girl)

she is the very last person on earth who would ever even consider me,

and she is wonderful.

an old friend.

someone i've always fancied, but never had a chance with.

and she wants to hang out and "catch up"

im going  to die.

its going to kill me.

mood: distracted.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

EXs, instant messenger, and vodka.

the ex.

we talk sometimes


usually when he's been drinking.

which he does a LOT of, apparently.

instant messenger.

probably the 2nd bane of my existence.

(next to this stupid dog im taking care of. i am NOT a dog person.)

i love IMing

its fun

and it requires little or no effort.

but i hate how easily things get out of hand...


a wonderful and terrible thing

which my ex likes to drink a lot.

the perfect storm.

all three combined = very no.

we laughed, we cried, (okay probably just he cried)

things got really awkward

he got bitter

and then sweet

and i tried not to encourage him

*"tried" being the operative word here

and ultimately, i learned something.

dont IM drunk ex boyfriends unless you want to spend the entire night peeping through your fingertips completely terrified of what mortifying thing he's gonna say next.


"you have 'stupidly-cute' in spades"

"you're a cunt"

"to be completely honest i want to club you like a baby seal and impregnate you behind the middle school"

"if you were with me you'd be home"

(referencing an Owl City song that i love)

out of context, they're bad enough

in context, i basically had no clue how to react.

which is why messenger is wonderful

cuz all he saw was "lol"

Saturday, June 19, 2010

ke$ha, wild streak, and my baby sister

so apparently i have a bit of a wild streak lately.

cuz i hear ke$ha's (her music is a guilty pleasure) stupid songs about waking up still drunk from the night before,

and partying

and dancing

and telling guys to shut up cuz "im in love with this song"

and im just like

goddammit i wish i was her.

(for her party life, not her career. i usually like my career)


my little sister

my BABY sister

(okay she's 14 or something)

was singing "tik tok"

and dancing to it...

i wanted to slit my wrists right there.

im like



ke$ha is a sexy bitch.

im definitely a (secret) fan and i have nothing against her personally, musically, artistically, or whatever.

but GOD.

i never want to hear her lyrics come out of my little sister's mouth again.

cuz that just makes me feel awful for even liking Ke$ha in the first place.


in other news, my ex has been talking to me.

we manage to be very civil

which is shocking.

cuz we are the two most bitter people on the planet.

i think we might actually enjoy talking to each other...

not really sure though.

cuz i only want to talk to him when my boyfriend isnt talking to me.

i am a terrible person probably.

this summer

sucks so far.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

parties, tequila, and rockband.

an AWESOME combination.

i had about 8 ounces of tequila tonight, and a glass of rum.

my fingers keep lagging lol makes it difficult to type

feeeeeels good though

also found out that when im drunk im a real ass to my boyfriend.

go figure.

Friday, June 11, 2010

"do YOU have pride?"

that's the title of the email i received today from my friendly neighborhood planned parenthood clinic.


(the whole CLOSET lesbian thing comes into play here)


it gets worse.

of course the famous pride parades of Seattle and Olympia are coming up in a few short weeks.

the email went on to explain that i could,

if i so desired,

partake in a "pride parade planning party"

and meet fellow LGQTB's like myself

so I'm left wondering

(first of, how does my doctor know about this?)

but mostly, what would it feel like to go to one of these parades?

and maybe meet a nice girl

with awesome hair

who totally understands me

and we could lay in bed together for hours just talking and enjoying the feel of each other's skin

and i could bring her home to meet my conservative-christian-Nazi-parents

and my boyfriend

and my employers

and that's when reality hits.

and i actually die a little bit inside.


mood: goddammit.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

lesbian blogs, work, and moving in together??

im a little anxious to get to the third thing on my list there, so i miiiiight rush through the first two.

lesbian blogs:

i looked up lesbian blogs on google today.

i read a lot of them,

and i liked approximately 3.5 of them.

so if you're reading this because i commented on your blog, wooooooooot. feel special.

no one in the entire world has read this that i can tell, which is sort of fine with me because i like privacy.

i know what youre thinking (you imaginary readers you)

"why the hell would you start a blog if you like privacy? and more importantly when you are, in fact, borderline violently-opposed to the internet?"

you know me so well ;)

because i feel like since no one knows this identity i have made for myself, there's no risk to my real-life privacy.


too much and too little all at once.

and my boss's husband is a DICK.

its like he TRIES to live up to every negative stereotype about men.

and he hits on me when his wife isnt around.

which makes me want to kill myself.

(not in the "call a doctor cuz i'll be bleeding out before you finish dialing" way, in the "god relationships are so pointless if they all end up like this" kind of way.)


my boyfriend is getting his own place.

and he asked me to move in with him.


due to our busy schedules,

our late-night/early-morning routines,

and our families,

(aaaaand the fact that im not really attracted to him sexually)

we almost never have sex.

i think if we moved in together, he would expect that to change.

now, when i say we almost never have sex, i mean almost never by MY standards.

which means we do it twice a week or so, and he gets his hands in my panties at least every day.

i was diagnosed with hypersexuality, its not my fault.

but i seriously need to orgasm like 8-10 times a day.

now since most of this is by myself with my handy vibe and lap top full of steamy love scenes and porn,

its all good.

but if we move in together, i am pretty sure my big purple penis-shaped vibe would NOT get to share our bed. (the penis-shaped part is because its hard to find one that meets my specifacations that ISNT big and penis shaped. and the whole "having another penis in bed, AND it can vibrate" thing doesnt sit well with my boyfriend)


naturally i am worried.

"well then say no"

you would say.

if you read this


and i would say no,


and 150 a month is a sweet deal no matter who you are.

and hey,

maybe it'll just work out?

besides, he really needs to move out.

24 and living at home is just kinda sad.

im only 19 and i've moved out three times already.


of course, im back now,

but thats because some unavoidable things happened with my parents, then with my roomates, then with my parents again, then again with the guy i was shacked up with, and then my other roomate, etc.

so moving out has not been lucky for me.

but this place looks really promising, and he and i already talked about how we would still like our privacy every once in a while, and its not even a done deal yet, so im not gonna worry too hard for another couple of weeks.

whats more important to me now is getting car insurance.

guess what?

after all that hype,

geico is cheapest.

and no, they do not pay me to say that.

cuz like i said,

no one reads this anyways.